Vegan Pasta Smothered in Bacon Grease | In random honor of last November being vegan month…

Posted: January 7, 2013 in Food
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I posted this on my friend Helen’s awesome vegan blog and was feeling quite lazy (and guilty about not posting), so here it is re-purposed (without any additional work done on my part, nnnnnnnnnnn-joy-it)….

 

I’ve never intended to make anything vegan, I’d like to make that quite clear. I enjoy butter and panchetta on my pasta probably more than any morbidly obese Italian you or I know – but this past weekend something strange happened. I made home made pasta, which is virtually impossible to f-up, and I f-ed up. I forgot to put egg in.

This wasn’t supposed to be vegan, but it actually turned out edible. Slightly disappointing, but with enough love and oil (not to be confused with “love oil” it turned out.

My problem started with the website, Allrecipes.com. This is a local company and a great cooking resource. And really the ads are very understated for a non-subscription service; but there were too many examples and I reached for the lowest hanging fruit.

I chose the flour, water, and salt one. For some reason, it felt right at that time, even though I knew you usually put egg in. So, I inadvertently made vegan pasta, which tasted eerily like cho fun noodles. I love beef chow fun, but now it seems as if that might be vegan too? I had vegan ham once at a Vietnamese restaurant… I digress.

I thought I might do a little investigation because while the dinner was still pretty great, and completely vegan, it didn’t leave me feeling the same way it usually does. Blissfully as if it’d had an egg.

So here’s what I did. I went back and found the recipe: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Eggless-Pasta/Detail.aspx

See if you can crack the code. I’m an idiot, but I enjoyed my accidental foray into veganism and I may even try to purposefully do that again really soon. Just not home made pasta.

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James Taylor has more blogs than he knows what to do with, please, please help him. If you have any interest in any of these things, he’s really desperate for content and knows that you’re really gud at righting!

http://www.worldsbestdaddy.org (open to Mommy’s, children, pets, anyone now!).

http://www.kung-foolery.com (this is getting a bit rambly, help!)

http://www.thatjamestaylor.com (launching soon, or never, a repository for people to tell their story of, “what do strangers always ask you?”)

Oops, I did it again… Chipotle

Posted: November 8, 2012 in Food, Humor, Satire, Local Seattle
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3 Irrefutable facts:

  1. We are all creatures of habit…
  2. Habits are hard to break….
  3. Burritos are the best comfort food on earth as well as the most perfectly engineered super-fast-food (as long as the tortilla and foil hold).

Up until recently, they were the province of those who lived in states within relatively close-enough proximity to Mexico. Not anymore. Damn you Chipotle.

I railed against a horrible ailment that stricken’s us all when I used to work in The Mission (San Francisco) — the failure of many of us to expand what I succinctly and elegantly coined, our TADSTFWFL. 

I’ve seriously been at a new job downtown (Seattle) for less than 3 weeks and I’ve been to Chipotle 3 times. Seriously 3 of 12 days – 1/4 of all lunch’s for you math nerds, with the others filled with some pretty awful Chinese, leftovers or a company party.

McDonald’s used to own Chipotle I thought? Then they were super green for recycling all the used paper towels into the bowls they put their delicious “burrito without the bun” or whatever they call it into. They are publicly traded and I should definitely buy their non-consumable stock, because the line to buy the stuff is horrendously long.

Anyway(s)

Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? Down 14.5% – this is Kung-Foolery’s, “karate-chop-stock-of-the-week”! Buy it now. It’s packed!

that Repurposed Here…

Stretching the boundary of Comfort.

It is a little known fact that 54% of all statistics are made up on the spot.  A more well established statistic is this:  The Average Distance Someone Travels From Work For Lunch (TADSTFWFL) = 1.189564450 sq. blocks.  For someone downtown this means eating the same sandwich over and over again from the same 5 or 6 places.  For someone who works in SOMA it means eating out of the same dumpsters time and again. 

Considering Ovahere.com is situated in the beautiful and historic Mission, I would surmise that I ate around 548 burritos from within a 1 block area of our office last year alone.  I love these burritos, and they love me, there’s no denying that.  They are undoubtedly delicious and fulfilling in the moment, with their guacamole, black beans, salsa verde, rice, carne asada/carnitas/pollo, crema y cilantro (and of course love), but each one is bordering on the surgeon generals recommended daily caloric intake and 4 times the recommended fat intake.  That coupled with the Popeye’s that is within 10 feet from the entrance to our building leads me to the conclusion that I should be morbidly obese any day now.  Popeye’s is actually nominally better for me, because at least the portion sizes are only recommended for 3 people.  Despite what G.W. says, the future is not big and bright; it’s almost bed-ridden. 

For the sake of simplification we will refer to the 1.189564450 sq. block area that the average American worker walks to get lunch as their “Area of Comfort” or AC for short (not to be confused with OJ’s number one homeboy).  That being said I go on a mission (pun intended) to walk outside my AC about once every 3 weeks, or about as often as I used to go to the gym when I was still tricking myself into paying them every month.  I tell you it is remarkable what you will find if you just walk a little beyond the border of your AC — quite remarkable.  I’ll give you an example:  I was making my bi-monthly conscientious effort to move beyond the AC and what did I stumble upon?  That’s right, you guessed it, Pizza!  Yes in between Mission and Valencia on 21st St. there is a great little hole in the wall with tasty slices.  If I had never bothered to look beyond my AC, it would have remained hidden. 

On another such venture I walked even farther down Mission and found a gem called Pete’s Barbeque.  This is a 50’s style diner that serves up roast beef sliced thick right in front of you on homemade bread and tender ribs slathered in tangy sauce.  The place looks like it hasn’t been remodeled since it was opened, but considering the block of Mission it’s on, it appears relatively clean.  I have one might call an “addictive personality”, especially when referring to fine cuts of bloody red meat.  Needless to say I got stuck in a little bit of a rut with Pete’s and it was incorporated into my AC, which definitely wasn’t the point of my exercise.  Only when I was affected by a bout of dysentery (unfortunately caused by the lack of hygiene at Pete’s) did I take a break.  Everyone in our office had been turned on to the beauty of the Pete’s roast beef sandwich, but we all suffered the same way after eating that beautiful sandwich. 

What is the point to this breakdown of conventions you may ask?  It’s that we all get too accustomed to things being a certain way, we get fat and happy, but it’s a façade.  To truly be happy you must go beyond your limits, find that pizza or tasty-yet-dysentery-causing sandwich, and you will have truly found satisfaction.  It’s out there people, just go that extra block.

The Vancouver Dining Scene – Indicative of the New Pervasive Norm in Fine Upscale Sportsbar-ry…

Posted: October 3, 2012 in Food, Observatationalist, OvaHere...
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I’ve traveled (driven) to Vancouver BC quite frequently for work and dined at what are considered some of the best restaurants, but there is a serious misconception surrounding the dining culture up North that confounds me. The idea that Vancouver is a “foodie” city – it just isn’t. In the newer, non-traditional, downscale sense it has some things on paper that would make it great for foodies and it has a ridiculous number of food bloggers. It also has amazing street food, greatly influenced by many Asian cultures.

The prime example and gold standard of Vancouver street food is Japadog  Japadog (Burrard & Smithe) on Urbanspoon which was thoughtful enough to combine the simple hotdog with Japanese flair. It’s one of the top 5 most popular restaurants in Vancouver and definitely tastes inventive and great when you want to eat a hot dog in the street at 2 am, but, a foodie spot? No, it’s a Vancouver spot, and, what actually should be considered the most Vancouver spot is not one actual location at all, but a concept I like to call Hot Girls and Truffle Oil (HGTO).

The HGTO concept originated at Earl’s in West Vancouver Earl's on Urbanspoon and I had the honor of attending what I believe was a cross between there 40 Year Anniversary party and the poor man’s version of a Puff Daddy’s Hampton’s white party. It was magical, and you guessed it! populated by a lot of HGTO.

HGTO isn’t meant to be taken literally, as it should convey the ambiance more than the food or staff. Basically all the servers look (and kind of act) like the girls dancing in the Robert Palmer video from the 80s, “Addicted to love,” the burgers have do-hickeys on them (like truffle oil) that “justify” a $25 price tag (although you DO get fries with that), and there are a ton of HDTV’s everywhere blasting sports.

These restaurants are wildly popular in Canada (Earl’s alone has 64 locations), and like any winning concept has been copied to the point where there is a HGTO location on almost every block in Vancouver (hello Joey’s, Moxie’s, Cactus Club, etc…).

If you are thinking of opening a restaurant in Vancouver I would advise that it helps to call your restaurant only your first name (see: Earl’s, Joey’s, et al…), but this is by no means necessary  as Cactus Club may actually be the most successful knockoffs of the concept. You might consider getting to the point and just calling it Hot Girls and Truffle Oil – I am ok with you stealing this.

Please don’t get me wrong — none of the things I’ve outlined herewith are things I would cast in a negative light. That Robert Palmer video is in the top 5 of my favorite music videos of all time (and certainly not because of the music), I love truffle oil, and if you put a TV in front of me, I will be unable to turn away, regardless of the content. However, this does not make for culinary excellence, it makes for a town dominated by overpriced sports bars. Kobe beef tastest just like beef to me!

In short, I think Vancouver is a physically gorgeous town filled with very nice (although a bit too “sporty” for my taste) people, with an awesome and walkable city grid, some great culture (although its coolest neighborhood, Gastown, may or may not just be a ripoff of Seattle’s Ballard).  It has amazing street food greatly enhanced by the influx of Asian cultures, but in order for it to be considered a true foodie city, it’s gonna need a critical mass of restaurants that want to break the mold of HGTO.

Exciting News re: www.SeattleKungFoolery.WordPress.com – now just www.kung-foolery.com – so modern, so brief…

Posted: September 13, 2012 in New Media, Social Media, Observatationalist, OvaHere...
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Not being a digital native sometimes has its disadvantages (yes, I don’t not love double or even quadruple negatives and redundant contractions), such as not instinctively knowing how many exclamation points to put at the end of a statement to properly show your enthusiasm (without seeming like a an over-exclaimer!!!!!!!), or figuring out how to hook your awesome blog up to your  even awesomer domain name. Well kids, I’ve finally figured it out, and only a little over 3 years after I bought the domain, www.kung-foolery.com!!!!!!! – go ahead check it out (and actually, please let me know if it doesn’t work).

Yes! Like Techcrunch, you can now go directly to Kung-Foolery.com (no more, http://www.seattlekungfoolery.wordpress.com – which is how I’m sure all of you found this before)!

Now, yes, I’m finding out that people are using these things called search engines more and more, instead of going direct-to-domain, and yes, I realize that it’d be a lot cooler to hook kung-foolery up to a cooler domain like, kungfoole.ry, but that would mean I’d have to reside in Ryzbekistan (I believe) and I’m not quite ready to make that kind of commitment.

Originally the idea was always to create a site where people could provide valuable how-to’s on things they weren’t qualified to provide how-to’s on, and that would seemingly seem less professional if it was on some super long wordpress.com domain. A side benefit to finally hooking up the blog to the domain, is that I can now mark something else off my bucket list, which along with my recent ascension to level 9 Thetan is pretty exciting considering the world is gonna end in a couple of months.

Now that I’ve finally officially launched!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with http://www.kung-foolery.com, I’m starting up another blog dedicated solely to what seems like most people are interested in, my pithy observations of fatherhood called World’s Best Daddy (Universes’ Best Daddy was already taken).  Announcing WorldsBestDaddy.org!!!!!!!  Seriously though, I’m going to keep WBD to observations on parenting, fatherhood, Seattle-related parenting, and the occasional drug reference – while Kung-Foolery.com can become what it always hoped it could be, a repository for useless information.

Thank you for reading what could (and should) be considered the worlds worst press release.

Everyone needs a little human touch… or do they?

Posted: September 10, 2012 in Local Seattle, Observatationalist, OvaHere..., What Strangers Ask You?
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I’m a bit of a touchy feely kinda guy, and I’m the first to admit, probably a bit of a over-hugger (although I NEVER hug someone after meeting them for the first time unless they go-in first). I know this used to humiliate my ex, who was never shy in her disdain of my “hugginess”.  Sure, we’d be at some work function of hers and I’d run into one of her co-workers that I liked and would quickly bat away their outstretched “handshake” hand and go directly into a deep, meaningful hug. I learned the hard way that sometimes even resting my head (which was probably over a foot above the hugees head) onto their shoulder rubs some “uptights” the wrong way – unless they’d had 7 scotches. So the lesson I learned was to wait until they’d had 7 scotches before saying, hello!

Generally speaking, my friends in San Francisco are huggers too, or at the very least it is broken into gender-specific “man-huggers” or cheek-kissees. It’s completely acceptable to kiss on the cheek either after or in-lieu-of a hug. I understand this kiss on the cheek at greeting (kotcag) is a bit WASPY and weird in certain circumstances, but my parents generation always did it when they were greeting someone on the polo match or at the “club” and it feels good – so I’m sticking with it.

In Seattle, when I started going in for the kiss when we first moved here, there was quite a bit of pulling away or misreading of that kiss’ intention. However, the friends I made early that I still hang out with, expect and, dare I say, relish that kiss on the cheek. I’ve trained them like some kind of pavlovian response to my hug to expect a cheek-kiss -and it works well to solidify of our friendship at every greeting.

Now, more recently, I’ve hung out with a different group of people and I really like them. They are fun, up-to-date on new music, like to go out, and as far as I can tell, deathly opposed to any type of human touch. They wave at each other with sideways dinosaur-arm gestures from short distances when they greet and say goodbye. Always one to either “go with the flow” or “be beaten down by society,” I’ve started adopting this sideways dinosaur-arm wave too, and it just feels weird to greet or say goodbye to people you know and like, like that.

I also have worked in tech startups and this no-hugging behavior is quite de rigeuer there as well. Is this nerd culture? Hipsterism? Am I the only weirdo in the world that wants a HUG RIGHT NOW? Perhaps. Although I have railed against free hugs before and will always hate that concept, I do want to occasionally show my appreciation for our friendship by grabbing you violently around the shoulders and squeezing you tight. Please indulge me.

Now, this isn’t to discourage you people from continuing with the Irish Goodbye’s, those make perfect sense and I relish the opportunity to both use them and have them used on me.

* Postscript – I hung out with my new friends last night and every one of them gave me a tender and warm hug without the slightest sense of irony, which felt weird.

Seattle Drivers Should be Ashamed of Themselves

Posted: September 6, 2012 in Local Seattle, Observatationalist, OvaHere...
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Recently I spoke of my selfless act of taking public transportation all the way to the SeaTac Airport.  This was a bit of a planes, trains, and automobiles moment for me, but overall a great experience and a nice opportunity to rub shoulders with, in the immortal words of Mitt Romney, “poor people.” I did this partially out of deep respect for our environment, but mostly because I had a little more time to get to the airport and wasn’t toting a 2-year-old. Unlike San Francisco, Seattle is not a great public transit city, and driving is kind of the default for most (non-Capitol-Hill) residents. Yet somehow, this driving-centric culture has managed to produce the absolute worst drivers on earth. It’s safer and less hectic to drive in the streets of Bangalore or Kingston than it is on the streets of Seattle. I’m convinced it’s a reflection of the cities Scandinavian heritage and deeply entrenched passive-aggression.

Let’s start with the most egregious Seattle-driving faux pas’ and move on to the more benign and finally end with a blue sky idea that I’m sure our great leaders at the Department of Licensing will be very eager to adopt.

No signal!

I have gotten amazingly adept at anticipating when some dumb driver ahead of me will abruptly stop because they suddenly realized, “hey wait, I need to take a left RIGHT HERE!” Jamming on the breaks without hitting a turn signal is the most common thing here and the most annoying

No pull forward!

I had a discussion with my friend Jacob about a year ago about this which led us to looking up the law online and while yes, I admit, it’s illegal, it’s common sense when you are sitting at a 4 way light and turning left to pull out into the intersection so the f*cking people behind you can pull around to go straight or right. AM I RIGHT? Why these people insist on following the letter of the law in this case is beyond me, considering they have perfected the California roll-stop. Most of these complaints are in regards to efficiency, which is highly valued in Seattle – folks are analytical here, and it’s completely inefficient to hold everyone up when all you need to do is pull a bit forward.

No Merge!?

There is a term my brother uses, called, “Zipper it” for merging and it is perfectly descriptive of the proper way to merge (if not a bit annoying when you are driving and he’s yelling it at you). When merging, you aren’t rushing to try and get ahead of someone, or conversely, allowing 3 cars to go ahead of you – you are “zippering” every other car in. That’s how you merge.

Anticipatory driving

I realize this is more of a rant than a blog post, but most of these errors could be avoided with a bit of what I like to call, anticipatory driving (c). When you are driving, you need to be anticipating what the drivers ahead and to the side of you will be doing. This is never more important, yet completely ignored, than it is in Seattle. Driving is a privilege that we bestow only upon the select few of us who can show up at DMV and not crash their car during a driving test – and it’s time we start appreciating it through anticipitaory driving (c) people!

I’d been thinking about putting these thoughts down in writing for a while now but the genesis for the post is my grandfather, Jim Sorensen, who turned 93 years old today.  He taught me how to drive at the duck “club” when I was 13 years old, by anticipating when animals might run in front of the car and yelling at me if I attempted to swerve us off the levy to avoid hitting a cute bunny. I thought it was the coolest then and can thank him for my hyper-sensitivity to driving now. Happy Birthday Poppy! He’s a better driver now then most Seattleites could ever hope to be.

Poppy is as dominant at dominos at 93 as he is at driving. Happy Birthday Pop!

Finally, I want to suggest something ludicrous.

Test to text

I know that my rantings will do nothing to improve the efficacy of Seattle drivers. They are unabashedly sucky at driving. So I’d propose, a reward to those of us that are so awesome at driving – the ability to legally send text messages while driving. A special designation for those of us with the driving aptitude to steer with our knees and send texts and emails at the same time. There would have to be a test of course, but I’m wholly confident I’d nail it.

Sense of Direction helps

Posted: August 24, 2012 in Baby, Fatherhood, Birthin', Local Seattle, Observatationalist, OvaHere...
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I’m taking nothing but my feet and public transportation to the glamorous Seatac Airport today, a first for me.  Not saying this to brag about how deeply I care about the environment or the thoughtless gesture it implies, it just got me thinking about what a pain travel planning was prior to smart phones and location-based services like Google Maps. Prior to Google Maps, I woulda’ just said screw it, let me drive my 8 seat Hummer Suburban there!

Now, I’ve driven to the airport 1,000′s of times (was traveling quite a bit for work there, if anyone wants to buy some Marriot Rewards Points ™ or Alaska Airlines Mileage Explosion Points ™ I’ll give you a real good price) and I ALWAYS parked at Masterpark Lot C, because it’s the best, because it’s got electrolytes in it; and never once had I considered that you could actually take public transit there.  You can!

Speaking of air travel, this was a weird/nice one AT is growing up, she gets her own airplane seat … and no more free rides :(

Road trips and hiking trips are the 2 spots where a sense of direction are most evidently important to me – I guess I should more accurately say, my poor sense of direction comes out.  You might not have enough of a signal to get your Google Maps up, and who carries a paper map?  If you’re wondering, yes, Google Maps has generously contributed $1 for every reference I make to it’s amazing product Google Maps. Did I mention I’ve used this great product called Google Maps to route my trip to minimize the amount of time AND carbon footprint my trip today to the glamorous Seatac Airport today will be. Thank you Google Maps, and Google Maps to all of you.

 

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